The Sunshine State's ray of hope for summer flat spells, Typhoon Lagoon fires all day, everyday -- and it's more than an hour away from any ocean. The lagoon is no lake, it's a 2.75 million gallon pool equipped with a state-of-the-art hydraulic pump wave machine. Located in the midst of Orlando and Disney World's tourism attractions, by day the Lagoon is a 2-foot closeout filled with sunburned tourists. A quick call to the right people (407-WDW-SURF or 407-939-7873) can buy you 100 higher quality waves for around $1,000, depending on the time of day and week. If you forget to ask for directions while reserving your session, simply take 528 west to I-4 south and follow the signs to Downtown Disney.

Typhoon Lagoon isn't quite barreling perfection, but it's got a little push. Underwater doors crash forward in an organized succession to create a moving wall of water that slams into a designated sidewall, causing a rebound to jack and peel off over the flat, concrete bottom. The wave offers a choice of three setups: a right, a left and a split center peak. The left's first section is the most critical the pool can conjure, but dribbles through the inside. The split peak has no wedging effect, but produces two ridable waves. The right-hander has the steepest take-off, room for two major turns near the wall and a racetrack inside section that provides the most bang for your buck. Check them all out, then place your order. The tech guys will change the configuration up to four times. Like silicone sets, these man-made mounds are fun. A welcome option in times of need but -- in most cases -- they still can't stand up to the real thing.

Pack your own goodies for the surf trip to Orlando. You can use the restroom and showers in the park, but all the concession stands will be closed. No worries, you're in O-Town. Follow the neon lights to your nearest Thank God It's Sizzler Anderson's Chili Olive Garden.

Crash with Minnie at the Disney resort, or have your pick of thousands of hotels in the Orlando area. Call 800-603-2733.

Get your ass back to the beach! If that's not an option, Universal Studio's Islands of Adventure is the best amusement park in town or maybe head down to Church Street Station and an assortment of bars and live music venues like the Sapphire Supper Club (407-246-1419). Otherwise, here's a list of things not to do. First, stay away from Disney World. The place really is for kids, and anyone who doesn't shit themselves on a swing will be bored. They don't even have anywhere to grab a beer -- unless you pay another $50 to see Epcot. (Save the money for an extra five waves.) If you can get past the caged animals and pangs of guilt, Sea World's a good time (407-363-2613). Just don't drop acid and hide in the park in order to swim naked with the orcas after hours --the last guy who did that died of hypothermia. Thirdly, do not pick up any lonely looking women on Orange Blossom Trail, that's not the kind of ride they're thumbing for.