On official nautical charts, Potato Patch Shoal is part of the larger Four Fathom Bank outside of the San Francisco Bay. This is an expanse of relatively shallow reef covering several square miles, with water depths ranging from 23 to 36 feet. Considering how far those depths extend from shore and how big the waves get during winter swells, that's almost the equivalent of dry, sucking reef more than a mile out to sea.

In winter, the Potato Patch catches hell from all of the energy pouring into the Bay Area from the North Pacific. On a big day, the Patch is creepy -- a minefield of shifting, throwing peaks, extending from a couple of hundred yards offshore all the way to the horizon.

There are a number of theories on how Potato Patch got its name. One theory believes that cargo ships leaving and entering the bay back in the days before Loran and GPS would blunder into the reef and lose cargo overboard. Potato sacks rode on top so they were first overboard. Hence, Potato Patch.

Another theory compares the reefy spires hiding just under the surface of the Pacific Ocean to a bunch of potatoes hiding in a patch of ground. Another theory notes that a new patch of sprouting potatoes is a field of white tops, similar to all the white tops that pop up when a swell is moving over Four Fathom Shoal.

Whatever, check out Potato Patch during a giant swell and you will be staring nature in all its beautiful evil. One look, and you almost certainly won't need our advice on the matter, but we strongly recommend that you don't try to surf it. In the late '80s, Doc Renneker and Grant Washburn paddled around at the South Patch on an outgoing tide, but the river-like current running through the lineup made it impossible to catch a wave. From what we can tell, that was the first and last time anyone tried to surf the place by conventional means. In March 1999, Santa Cruz adventurers Perry Miller and Doug Hansen had a tow-in session out there using their Jet Ski. They came in unimpressed. "It was the devil's playground out there," Miller said. "Maverick's is better. There are better places."

The surfing world is too crowded? If you really, really, really want to get some waves to yourself, the Potato Patch is out there, waiting. For the less adventurous, it's just a spectacular view of the full fury of the Pacific Ocean in winter and a great indicator for Maverick's, the more sensible big-wave spot 20 miles south.

Places to eat in San Francisco? Endless. Blindfold yourself, stagger 50 yards and most likely you will walk into a restaurant. We don't want to ruin it by suggesting anywhere, although we will suggest looking up www.SFGate.com for a complete list of eateries.

From the bottom to the top, there are no shortages of places to stay in San Francisco. If you're one of those big-shot Internet ding-a-lings with all the money in the world, you can spend $400 a night for a Premier room at the Fairmont Hotel. But you don't have to.

At the other end of the price scale, there are two youth hostels in San Francisco. The Fort Mason hostel is on the water, only a few miles from Fort Point. They charge $19 to $21 a night and who knows, you might meet some hot Norwegian chicks in lederhosen and backpacks. They say super markets and Laundromats are the place to meet chicks? Uh, uh. Youth hostels, baby. You heard it here first. Fort Mason, Building 240, San Francisco, CA 94123. Phone: 415-771-7277. E-mail: sfhostel@dnai.com. Web: www.norcalhostels.org.

There is another youth hostel on the north side of the Golden Gate Bridge, at Fort Cronkite, about 15 minutes from the city and a mile from a decent little surf spot. This is a nice location, quiet, green, no traffic and far from the madding crowd. They charge $12 for adults, $6 for children and $26 for a couple. For more info, call 415-771-3645 or look up www.nps.gov/goga/hostels.htm.

Here's a statistic. A recent article in the San Francisco Chronicle reported that in the past year, tourists spent an average of $17,000,000 a day in San Francisco, for a grand total of $6.6 billion dollars a year. Kind of unbelievable, no? What were they spending all that money on? In San Francisco, there are a lot of cable cars and Fisherman's Wharves and Alcatrazes and Bay Cruises and other goofy things for tourists to do. But what can you, a cool surfer, not a tourist, do in San Francisco when you're not surfing?

One of the best things to do in San Francisco is relatively cheap. Just get in your car and drive around, checking out all the different areas and views and scenics from up high and down low. It's fun to get lost in San Francisco, but you never get that lost. No matter how deep you are in the city, you're never far from the ocean. Just head east or west and you'll run into it, eventually.

For general sightseeing, drive across the Golden Gate Bridge, take the Alexander Avenue exit and check out the view of San Francisco from Hawk's Point in the Marin Headlands. You can see Fort Point, Ocean Beach and all the way to Pedro Point from up there. If the surf is huge, drive all the way out to the end of Point Bonita and take a look at The Potato Patch. It's quite a sight when the surf is giant. There's decent surf down at Fort Cronkite, and Sausalito is a nice place to cruise around and get a bite to eat when there isn't any surf.

If you want to get out on the bay, call Sausalito Bay Adventures and ask about renting a Boston Whaler. It's really fun to go cruise around Alcatraz and Angel Island. They charge $75 to $100 an hour, but what the hell, it's the 21st century, and money is raining from the sky: 415-331-0444.

If you're a sailboarder or a kite-surfer and the northwest winds are blowing, have a blast. The wind blows free.

If you're a golfer and you brought your sticks, we recommend the Presidio Golf Course, a beautiful course close enough to the ocean to let you keep an eye on the wind and the tides as you hit a few holes. For reservations call 415561-GOLF.

If you're a baseball fan, or even if you're not, you really should check out Pac Bell Park. They did a great job building this thing, and many consider it the best stadium in the United States. The Giants are up and down as much as the surf, and tickets can be hard to find sometimes, but go to the game and look for scalpers and you should be able to get in. Try to get seats in the Club section. Club gives you easy access to all the concessions, it's the best angle in the stadium and they even bring food to your seat. For info on the Giants, plug into www.sfgiants.com.

Moviegoers will enjoy the Sony Metreon at Fourth and Mission (415-369-6000). It has a zillion screens and an IMAX. Matt Warshaw saw George Lucas going into the bathroom at the Sony Metreon during the winter of 1999.

Do you love the nightlife? Do you got to boogie? San Francisco and the Bay Area have a thriving music/nightlife scene, from Opera to Blues. No room to list it all here. If you want to get the scoop on everything that is going on in San Francisco, log on to www.SFGate.com.

The South of Market area has a thriving club scene, but be careful which door you walk through. If you want to know which door to enter or avoid, log on to www.gaysf.com for a listing of all the gay bars. The titles of some of these establishments are pretty classic: Moby Dick, Hole in the Wall, Stud and Swallow.

To see a listing of clubs, check www.sfclubs.com and a Clubline number to call is 415-339-8686. We'd like to tell you more about these clubs, but we've been so busy putting this web site together, all we can do is listen to Christian music at our cubicles. We don't get out much.

There are four along Ocean Beach. Big Yank Sports is on the Kelly's Cove end, hidden away a little on the corner of Balboa and La Playa: 415-666-1616. Bob Wise Surfboards is the longest-established surf shop at Ocean Beach. The current shop, very well stocked, is on Great Highway, before Golden Gate Park: 415-750-9473. SF Surf Shop is the only shop that makes custom boards, shaped by John Schultze. It's at 3809 Noriega St. and the phone is 415-661-7873. Web site is www.SFSurfShop.com. At the Sloat Avenue end, Aquaholics is a little ways up Ocean Avenue: 415-242-9283.