Unexpected Nasal Discharge

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If you have experienced UND, or Unexpected Nasal Discharge, welcome to the club. You are a real surfer. That sudden gush of salt water from your nose separates you from the common -- unjazzed -- human. It is nothing to be ashamed of, rather a cause for celebration. Still, it's a little baffling.

UND has a way of occurring at inopportune times, such as an oral presentation in English class, midway through passing the gravy to your soon-to-be-mother-in-law, or, even worse, just as you bust a move on a hot date. Preventative measures -- from wearing a noseplug to never falling to complete abstinence from the surf -- don't offer much cause for hope. Instead, UND is something we all must accept as an occupational hazard associated with surfing. Consider it a healthy cleansing, something of a nasal enema.

When we wipeout, water is bound to find its way into the nasal cavity -- that opening behind our noses that processes air as it is inhaled. It isn't like a dental cavity; you can't get rid of it by flossing after meals. If you didn't have it, breathing would be somewhat of a chore. The nasal cavity boasts a roomy space of several cubic inches, meaning we're all a bunch of "airheads" (ha ha, airheads--get it?). When water settles within the cavity below nostril level during a session, it puddles so long as we're sitting upright. If, later in the day, we bend down or somehow force the water upwards, the floodgates are opened.

When it happens, don't be discouraged. Wear your dripping snout like a badge, and remember to keep your head up. -- Jason Borte, June 2001