TEAHUPO'O RESORT GUIDE
By Jason Borte

INTRO
There can be only one "world's heaviest wave", and that title rests soundly with the wave at Teahupo'o (don't make saying it more difficult than it need be; it's pronounced Cho-poo). Along the southern end of the smaller of Tahiti's two extinct volcanoes, Tahiti -ti, the tiny town of Teahupo'o is where the pavement stops. Surfers have sampled the South Pacific island since the early 1960s, but prior to the mid-Eighties, surfers had no reason to venture that far, especially considering the wealth of hollow reefbreaks encircling the rest of the island. Consider that all Bruce Brown and crew got out of Tahiti was "Ins and Outs", a piddly mushburger that bounces off a bulkhead and can be ridden seaward. But one day, a few locals ventured out on a small swell and found that the wave at the end of the road was within the realm of possibility.

Physically, nothing has changed since then, but with the increased attention the wave has stirred, Teahupo'o has become a well-trod yet still undercover surf destination. No hotels stand within an hour's drive, and the nearest surf shop is almost as far. If you're looking for a McDonald's you'd better not leave Papeete. But the main ingredients are in abundance -- warm water, friendly locals, and an endlessly challenging wave.

THE SURF
Teahupo'o is no different from any of the other reef passes around Tahiti -- that is, if they were all pumped on steroids, coffee, and Megadeth. The reef here is very much alive, as you will find out soon after brushing against it for the first time. Infections of the bloodstream are as common as mosquito bites, so a good cleansing is imperative after any break in the skin. Treated properly, you won't have to sit in the boat for long.

There's very little swell refraction thanks to a complete lack of continental shelf outside the breaks, which explains why Teahupo'o is often way bigger than anywhere else -- it faces directly into the prevailing southwest groundswell. But there are a number of high quality breaks and passes along the west and southwest shores of the island. On the drive from Papeete to Teahupo'o, you'll pass Ta'apuna (a lovely clean left with a swinging end bowl, good to six feet), Sapenuse (a reef-based pointbreak, popular among longboarders, with an outside section capable of handling horrendous Teahupo'o-style action), Papara'a (the sole beachbreak on the island and center of Tahiti's social beach life), and the lesser-known Mara'a and Vairao passes, along with several other semi-passes and reef bumps where fun waves can be ridden without absolute danger to life or limb.

Teahupo'o breaks the mold, not only for Tahiti, but for the world as we know it. Millions of years ago, freshwater flowing from nearby mountains killed a large section of the surrounding reef, creating what is known as Passa Hava'e. The surf along the western side forms an unrideable closeout, but then again, that's what they said about Teahupo'o not so long ago. Teahupo'o's reef is shaped like your left arm if you're looking at your watch. The inside of your arm forms the lagoon while swells approach your upper arm from the left side. Depending on the angle, the wave either forms a flawless barrel or an inescapable nightmare. The more east the swell is, the better your chances of survival.

The lineup is relatively small, maybe seventy-five yards in all, and there are really only two legitimate takeoff spots. Anything else is an invitation for disaster. The first, requiring loads of confidence and speed to burn, is located behind the main barrel section. It provides an easier entry, but your options from this spot are reduced: pull in or get snuffed. If you are well versed in riding lefthand barrels, it's a dream wave. If there's any hitch in your getup, say goodnight.

From the other takeoff spot, closer toward the shoulder but still within the peak of the end section, the drop is more critical, but you are afforded a measure of leeway. If for some reason you pass on the barrel, a few carves and a kickout provide a reasonable alternative. However, this is the hollowest section of a freakishly hollow wave, so plan on getting barreled or stick to another pass around the island. A mistake here and you will become intimate with the shallowest section of the reef.

Occasionally, surfers take off either ridiculously deep or cautiously far on the shoulder. Neither is advised. From way back, the wave often bottoms out upon takeoff, ensuring a freefall into oblivion. If the drop is properly negotiated, a frothy barrel is possible, but the paddle back out could unceremoniously end your session. On the other hand, a shoulder takeoff is sort of like trying to hit a baseball once it is already in the catcher's mitt. You've missed the perfect pitch, and even if you make contact, it's nothing but a dribbler. Either go deep or not at all.

Regardless of takeoff positioning, the ride at Teahupo'o is a short one. A barrel and one turn is pretty much maximum capacity. Any more and a reef dance becomes a near-certainty. But with such intensity, you won't hear anyone complain about the length of ride. It would take a full ride at Jeffreys Bay to equal the rush.

An interesting trait of Teahupo'o -- and one that increases its brute force -- is that regardless of size the wave pretty much breaks in the same place. There is no third reef to diffuse the intensity of massive swells; rather, everything piles up on the inside reef, creating a top-heavy, below sea-level mutant that you wouldn't conjure even while doodling in high school. Six feet seems to be the cutoff line. Beyond that, it becomes lethal.

Surf: By the Numbers
Consistency: 8/10
Difficulty: high
Danger factor: medium to high
Barrel factor: high

GETTING THERE
Fly into Papeete's Faaa Airport, the only arrival point in French Polynesia. From California, it's a little over 4000 miles (or just under eight hours) to the southwest. Most flights arrive from Los Angeles, Australia, or New Zealand. No special permission is required for entry beyond a passport. Renting a car is a luxury, as most spots are accessible only by boat. Le Truck can take you anywhere on the island for a buck or two. If you're staying with a family at Teahupo'o (the best call if you want to catch the infamous spot), they will gladly pick you up at the airport. Driving from Papeete to the end of the road takes an hour. If you must make the dreaded paddle, plan on a good 20 minutes each way.

WHEN TO GO
The prime season is May to October. This is the Southern Hemisphere winter dry season, with a consistent supply of groundswell from the Roaring Forties. Outside this timeslot, visitors run the risk of an active monsoon season, with heavy rains, bad winds and less swell. Swell along this coast is fast-moving, intense, and highly variable; even in mid-season, ten-day flat spells and ugly <i>maramu'u</i> (southerly) winds can damage your dreams of silky island perfection.

THE ATTACK
Boards: Unless you're planning to stay in the kiddie pool, you're normal shortboard isn't a necessity. The waves are fast and easily warrant a few more inches of foam. For serious Teahupo'o, a chunky gun up to seven feet is suggested. Anything bigger, and the wave's extreme curve ensures that your nose will catch. Most pros stick with a 6'9", even at eight to ten feet. Paddling ease is the overriding requirement, growing in importance as the wave grows. If your board doesn't allow you to get in under the lip, it's lights out.

The ever-growing local population pounces on anything left behind during the contests, so don't expect to show up and purchase a board. Anything other than high-performance boards need not apply. It is suggested you bring three boards, one a couple inches longer than your typical hot-dogger and two ranging up to 7'0".

Technique: Teahupo'o is the standardized test for bravery and tuberiding prowess. Don't expect any cruisy, mellow waves, and don't plan on turning. There's only one route from takeoff to shoulder, and that's directly through the barrel of your life. The wave breaks in the same place every time, so setting up doesn't require much forethought. Crowds aren't a concern yet, with the exception of when a contest comes to town. Otherwise, you share the lineup with a handful of locals and the odd few visiting pros.

Resist the urge to paddle toward the shoulder when faced with a wave; the shoulder will come to you. While Teahupo'o is a left, the bend in the reef is so severe that the swell's energy wants to take you right. The key to success is basic: make the drop and prepare to get barreled. If you think you're too far on the shoulder, you certainly are. If you think you're too deep, you're in the perfect spot.

The bigger the swell, the more important it is to get in early. At eight feet plus, an under-the-lip takeoff is in order. Otherwise, you'll get stuck in the oversized lip like the itsy bitsy spider getting flushed down the water spout. This is hardly a wave for beginners, even intermediates. If the best surfers in the world take routine beatings and suffer innumerable reef scars, just think of the world of pain waiting for you.

Gear: If at all possible, bring your own emergency room doctor with fully-equipped medical supplies. Seriously, you will need first-aid, for both yourself and your board. Reef scrapes become easily infected, so immediate treatment is a must. The old standby of a fresh lime fills in nicely for any abrasion. Also, plan an extensive arsenal in the battle against sun and mosquitoes. Wetsuits usually aren't necessary, except for sun and reef protection and against that occasional pesky wind.

We recommend:
1) powerful sunscreen, anti-UV rash vest, sunburn relief gel, cap or helmet (optional)
2) easy-to-use ding repair kit with UV-curing resin
3) small medical kit including antibacterial wash (Betadine), antibacterial powder, minor protective bandaging, painkiller and anti-inflammatory (Motrin)
4) effective tropical insect repellent
5) all the wax and wax combs you need, plus a couple extra for dumb friends who forget them
6) stickers for the local groms, but be careful not to disperse any until the end of your stay or you'll be marked as "The Sticker Man"

HISTORY
Since Tahiti was burped from the Pacific seafloor a few million years ago, it was settled during the great Polynesian migrations and not much else happened until 1767. That year, the first Europeans landed amid strange rituals such as human sacrifice. Fortunately, these customs are a thing of the past, but the other things explorers noted -- magnificent fleets of outrigger canoes and erotically beautiful women -- still abound. Sex was traded openly for things like nails (used in making fish hooks), and as word of such shamelessness spread back to Europe, missionaries planned their attack. The new beliefs served to stamp out casual dress, dancing, singing, wholesale sex and much of the local culture. Coupled with diseases imported by traders, the population of Tahiti was nearly decimated.

France took advantage of the weakness to gradually assume control of all the Society Islands by the end of the 19th century. French colonists infused the population as natives retained as much culture as possible. By the time foreign surfers stumbled into town, the islands were known collectively as French Polynesia, soon to be autonomous.

While Polynesians have been riding waves since the beginning of time, the first local surfers to make a name for themselves on the international scene were Arsene Harehoe and Vetea David during the middle 1980s. David overcame Kelly Slater to capture the 1986 World Junior Championship in England and went on to a successful pro career on the ASP tour. Both Harehoe and David gained notoriety for surfing a dangerous lefthand reef in Papeete called Taapuna. The wave was treacherous, but nothing compared with what would come next.

Technically, Teahupo'o was first surfed in the mid-eighties by a few Tahitian locals, but we're going to throw out their claim on the basis of weightiness, or in this case a lack thereof. In reality, the wave doesn't become its frighteningly true self until it surpasses six feet, and the early riders did not challenge that mark. When Mike Stewart and Ben Severson became the first foreign challengers in 1988, they also became the first to tackle any substantial size. By the early '90s, a few pros were coming around on photo missions, slowly filtering word of the beast back to civilization. Despite those missions, Teahupo'o remained a non-entity in the world of surfing until a WQS event in 1998 scored solid eight-foot surf, scaring the bejeezus out of many a prominent hell-man. When photos from the event found their ways into magazines a few months later, the world gasped.

But that was just the beginning. The ante was boosted significantly in 1999 when the WCT was greeted with ten to twelve foot caves, leading to a pro surfer bloodbath. Mark Occhilupo won the event in substandard conditions over a spent new boy wonder, C.J. Hobgood, to gain momentum in his world title run. The images this time -- particularly a sequence of Cory Lopez being engulfed by a wave packing more water than the entire Gulf of Mexico where he learned to surf -- closed the case: Teahupo'o was the heaviest wave in the world.

Just prior to the 2000 event, the wave took its first sacrifice in the form of local surfer Briece Taerea. He attempted to duckdive a collapsing building, impaled his head on the reef, and died days later. Under ominous conditions, Andy Irons rose to become King of Teahupo'o by standing erect within gaping tubes to defeat Kelly Slater in the trials. Slater gained revenge by taking the contest, but Irons had been weakened by an infection caused by the reef.

Whatever had been achieved to that point was forgotten on August 17, 2000, the day Laird Hamilton survived the most intense wave a surfer has ever faced. Towed into an indescribably huge mass, he reached what many believe to be the limits of human capacity. It's difficult to imagine surviving the slightest mistake on such a wave, or to conceive of a more intimidating situation.

As a direct result of the influx of visitors to Teahupo'o, the once pristine community is beginning to show signs of submitting to the outside world. It is no longer safe to leave boards or any other personal items unattended, as theft has become an epidemic, mainly during the events. One is never safe from the sticker hounds, and succumbing to the constant requests only marks you as The Sticker Man.

Most of the year, Teahupo'o remains the quiet haven it once was, but that feeling is becoming more rare by the minute. It is still possible to enjoy solitude in the lineup, or better yet, the company of a few friendly locals.

DOCTOR'S ORDERS
Suggested inoculations include Hepatitis, Tetanus, but no prevention exists for dengue fever, a difficult-to-diagnose disease passed through mosquitoes, except to avoid bites at all costs. If infected, you will experience fever, headaches, and muscle pain accompanied by a rash for up to one week. Fortunately, malaria does not exist in French Polynesia. For regular updates on travel disease warnings, see the Centers for Disease Control web site (www.cdc.gov), or similar sites such as www.medicineplanet.com.

Small cuts and scrapes will rapidly fester in the tropical climate if not treated swiftly and smartly. Wash them out, clean with antibacterial wash and keep dry by using an antibacterial powder. Do the routine after every surf, and you should at least keep infection at bay for the rest of your stay.
Other health-related tips:
1) Tap water is okay in many homes, drawn from a natural spring in the neighboring mountains. But be on the safe side and give some to your friend first. Do drink a lot of bottled water; it is readily available at any local market. Dehydration happens a lot quicker in the tropics; surfers especially are prone to it, since all that ocean-time fools us into thinking we're not losing water.
2) The local cuisine is wonderful, so you won't need to bring much food other than some power bars or the like for a quick fix. If you're lodging with a family, they will provide most meals, consisting mostly of fresh fruit, fish, baguettes, and fresh juices.
3) Try to limit your exposure to the sun; surf in the mid-morning and late afternoon, stay in the shade when on land and wear sun protection all the time.

*Also, be warned: there are numerous sharks, ranging from small gray reefies to large tigers. Surfing or paddling around in the lagoons around dusk isn't a great idea.

ROAD RULES
Hinano is the only Tahitian word you really need to know. It is a locally-produced beer that is sold everywhere. A few imports are also available, but obviously at a higher cost.

While Tahiti is part of a self-governing group of islands, it remains an overseas territory of France, and thus the culture is a mixture of French and Polynesian. Most people speak French, but unlike in France, here they won't bite your head off for screwing up the language. Few of the traditional Polynesian taboos survived the missionary presence of the 1800s, so you don't have to worry about being beheaded for standing on the wrong side of the road. However, if you stay with a local family, it is important to adhere to certain customs out of respect and to remain in their good graces. In homes, shoes are to be left outside, and alcohol is to be moderated if consumed at all. Again, it depends upon with whom you are staying. In these cases, a bit of French goes a long way. In most tourist areas, the locals have picked up some English.

The island is absolutely safe for visitors as Tahitians are, as a whole, a friendly bunch. There isn't much of a police presence simply because it isn't needed. In outposts such as Teahupo'o, where everybody is acquainted with one another, disputes are commonly settled without outside influences.

Passports are required for entry, and if you need a visa to visit France, then you'll need one for Tahiti as well. Sale of surfboards by visitors is prohibited. Upon arrival, you will fill out a form listing the description and value of each board, and you are expected to leave with the same number. This custom is not always enforced.

The local currency is the CFP, or Cour de Franc Pacifique, but other currencies, including the U.S. dollar, are accepted in some areas. The CFP is fixed with the French franc and will vary against other currencies with the franc. ATM machines and banks are readily available, not in Teahupo'o but all over Papeete and in other smaller towns. Tahiti is an expensive trip, so you will be visiting the bank regularly. Tipping has historically been frowned upon, but the practice is becoming more common, at least on Tahiti. Word is you get a better exchange rate using credit cards, but they won't take American Express.

Public transport (Le Truck) is cheap, frequent, and easy to use. It is just as the name implies, a truck, with bench seats running along the bed. There are designated stops all over the island, but the drivers don't mind pulling over anywhere someone flags them down.

CAMPS
Ideally, you can afford one of the fabulous, over-water bungalows around Papeete (Beachcomber Parkroyal Hotel 689-86-51-10), but the area can be just as welcoming to cheapskate backpackers. Hostels are available in Papeete for under $20/night, from the Tahiti Budget Lodge (689-42-66-82) to the nearby Teamo Pension (689-42-00-35). A nice, middle-of-the-road alternative is the Sofitel Maeva Beach (689-42-80-42). Moana David, older brother of Vetea, runs a small camp for surfers a little closer to the action (689-43-70-70). Taaroa Lodge, run by well-known local surfer Ralph Sanford, is just down down the road from Sapenuse and good value at $20 per night; phone 689-58-39-21; e-mail taaroalodge@mail.pf

Camps by the Numbers:
Ease of booking: 8 (1=don't pay up front, your dream trip may be just that; 10=it's a point and click away)
Comfort factor: 7 (1=quest for fire; 10=mints on the pillow).
Crowd factor: 3 (1=Antarctica; 10=Malibu)
Romance quotient: There was a time when all you had to do was turn up at the dock in Papeete, flash an American grin, and lovely local maidens would be yours for the taking. Nowadays, the notion of the sultry Tahitian seductress still exists, but you'll have to do a bit of searching.
Food: 8 (1=rations at the Hanoi Hilton; 10=galloping gourmet)
On-land entertainment: Aside from a few waterfalls and other natural phenomena, it's the town of Papeete -- a bustling tourist mecca -- or nothing.

BOOKING INFO/COST
For air travel, expect to pay the highest rates during July and August, as well as around Christmas. Prices fluctuate, but a good deal from Los Angeles runs about $800 US. If you plan to stay in Papeete proper, expect to spend a minimum of $100 per night (unless you don't mind the hostel-dormitory, which comes for as little as $20), but as much as $500 for a luxurious bungalow sitting over the lagoon. Travel agents or books will have a complete listing of hotels, but hooking up with a local home is another alternative. The going rate for a spot in a local's home is $60 US per day, which includes breakfast and dinner. A lot of these folks have boats, ensuring you a quick and easy trip to the lineups.

Once you get to Tahiti, you'll be paying more than you are accustomed to for everything. Massive import taxes make all goods outrageously priced, but at least you're paying in CFP's, so it seems like you're spending monopoly money while you're really wiping out your savings.